I cannot find my penis.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
