I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
