What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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