my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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