your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I party with great urgency now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
