I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
