Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
