I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize