for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
