Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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