Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
