Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i dont even know how to be here
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
2020 sucks, I want a refund
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
