Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
