I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
tell me about the eggs
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
