I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
