she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
