He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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