this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
