woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
