im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
