so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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