just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
