the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
