My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
