i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will be naked everywhere
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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