I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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