Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
