Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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