Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
