I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
