Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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