i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
