I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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