Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
