So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Come on in and take your pants off
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