He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im holly from the hills drunk
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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