the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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