i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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