i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
