The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Did I show you my penis last night?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
