how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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