If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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