Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Success! We fucked roommates!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
