You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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