Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
