so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
