Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I could fuck to npr.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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