My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
