we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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