; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
