Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
