When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My feet surprised me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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