So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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