No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
