I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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