you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Panties = found
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
