I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
