Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
