I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
