I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize