I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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