The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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