awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
