got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
