My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
In America we eat man semen.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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