im six kinds of drunk right now
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
