peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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