Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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