walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
