She is in my trunk
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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