I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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