Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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