She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
