Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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