it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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