he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
