my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
